“HOW TO BECOME A BETTER COMMUNICATOR?”

(My reflection paper submitted to Fr. Franz-Josef Eislers, SVD on August 16, 2010 for the subject of Introduction to Social Communication)

"Nobody has ever talked the way this man!"(John 7:46) – This is one of the verses in the Gospel of John that I like most when it comes to Jesus Christ as the Greatest Communicator. It reflects the profundity and radical way of Jesus Christ speaking to His people.

For me, to become a better communicator means following the way of Jesus Christ as He speaks tothe crowd. It is an invitation for me to imitate Jesus Christ's procedure of communication, namely: silence, listening and sharing. These three degrees are always interconnected in the spirit of prayer.

In silence, therefore, one may able to put and to notice spiritual, as well as corporal connections, of all things. In order to become a better communicator, I must know how to listen to others. When another person speaks, I am usually "listening" at one of four levels. I may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. I may practice pretending."Yeah. Uh-huh. Right." I may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation. One may often do this when we are listening to the constant chatter of a preschool child. Or one may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. But Jesus always do the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathicl istening. This kind of listening is skill-based, truncated from character and relationships. Here, one listens with intent to understand. This means that one seeking first to understand, to really understand. It is listening which gets inside another person's frame of reference.[2]

For me, to become a better communicator is not only to become a good speaker, because being a good speaker is only a part of being a good communicator. Being a good communicator requires valuing silence. I believe that in silence, one may able to organize one's thoughts; one may able to plan for one's actions and speaking engagement; one may able to put an in-depth view of one's topic or idea; and, one may able to understand things which the noisy surroundings cannot understand. "It is in the silence that helps us to go beyond the entertainment quality of our lives."[1]

Instead of referring to speaking as talking or discussing, I prefer to use the word sharing,because for me to become a better communicator is not only speaking, talking or discussing something but a person must able to "walk the talk" – to put into actions and practice all of the ideas that he or she uttered. Moreover, aperson must able to impart what he or she has done already or must be done for the good of all. It is in the act of sharing that a person communicates noto nly in words but in also in concrete actions.

After discussing the degrees of becoming a better communicator, it is necessary to connect it in the vantage point of prayer. For me, it is in the prayer life of an individual that one may able to put "soul" in all of the "meats" of his or her communication. One's communication to others becomes more and more valuable,and even priceless if it is the result of one's prayer life. Even if the person uses ordinary words, if he or she is talking in the spirit of prayer, like Jesus, nobody has ever talked the way this one!

[1] Nouwen,Henry, The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life (Quezon City: Claretian Publications, 1999).

[2] Covey,Stephen, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (New York: Fireside, 1989).